Phoning Home, Castro's Bones, Iraqi Doubt, Kerry Routs

(The New York Times)
Coming Soon: High-Definition TV Phones
Miniature mobile phones…are poised to merge with the largest of home appliances, the television. The cellphone industry is working to build phones able to receive high-definition television signals over the air, even though HDTV has yet to make its way into most American living rooms.
>>>>>U.S. and Japanese manufacturers hope to add additional home-based technologies to the ultra-mobile cellphone, including portable versions of freezers, washers and dryers, central air conditioning and heating and crawslspace.
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(The New York Times)
Indonesian President Is Sworn In, Promising a Cleaner Government
JAKARTA, Indonesia--Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono, a former general, took the oath of office as the first directly elected president of Indonesia, and in a businesslike address promised a new era of cleaner government. "Indonesia will be a democratic country, open, modern, pluralistic and tolerant," he said from the glistening halls at the presidential palace. "We will try hard to form a clean and good government."
>>>>>The new president ordered all paramilitary personnel soaked in a gentle vinegar solution, opposition party members to be disinfected twice a day and all members of the media to be scrubbed by the public with soap and hot water.
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(The Associated Press)
Castro 'All in One Piece' After Fall
HAVANA--Cuban President Fidel Castro tripped and fell after leaving the stage at a graduation ceremony, fracturing a knee and arm but later returning to say that he was "all in one piece."
>>>>>White House sources said that officials of the CIA, Army intelligence and other covert operations sources immediately began studying the staging of high school plays and dinner theater shows for clues about mounting a more opportunistic operation.
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(Reuters)
Burger King Bars Ads From TV Show Discussing Kerry
NEW YORK--Hamburger chain Burger King said that it would not run its commercials during a controversial program about U.S. presidential candidate John Kerry.
>>>>>General Mills, the makers of Frankenberry cereal, stepped into the controversy and bought all of the available TV commercial time.
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(USA Today)
Poll: More Iraqis Doubt Nation's Direction
More Iraqis say their country is headed in the wrong direction and they blame the poor security situation, a new poll has found.
>>>>>A majority of Iraqis also said that a majority of Iraqis don't know which way is up or their asses from their elbows.
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(Associated Press)
ABC Drops Miss America From TV Schedule
ABC has dropped Miss America, leaving the famous beauty pageant without a TV outlet for the first time in 50 years.
>>>>>The aging beauty queen was last seen devouring several pounds of Entenmann's cakes and disappearing inside a ladies' room.
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(Associated Press)
Kids Pick Kerry to Be the Next President
NEW YORK--Kid power! Democrat John Kerry is the winner, and the rest of the country should pay attention because the vote on Nickelodeon's Web site has correctly chosen the president of the United States in the past four elections.
>>>>>The kids also voted M&M's the healthiest dinner food and Britney Spears as the next justice to be named to the Supreme Court.

Sniffing Out the Smelliest Headlines:

(The New York Times)
Debate Lingering on Decision to Dissolve the Iraqi Military
>>>>>Pentagon also considers smelting the military, turning it into souvenir coins.

(The New York Times)
Back From Dead, Red Sox Bury Yankees and Go to Series
>>>>>Dead Yankees appear in public, causing panic and confusion; lawyers for Yankee owner George Steinbrenner and players' families argue over contract payments to dead player's estates.

(The New York Times)
In Bush's Vision, a Mission to Spread Power of Liberty
>>>>>Spread it with a spoon, or spread it with a shovel, just keep spreading it, President tells advisers.

(The New York Times)
Iraq Susceptible to Corruption, Survey Finds
>>>>>Clouds likely to rain, birds likely to sing, sun tends to set, survey adds.

(Reuters)
Israelis, Palestinians at Odds Over U.S. Election
>>>>>Two peoples agree on everything else, however, and will spend winter at a family retreat in Greece.

(Reuters)
Fox, Sox Celebrate Baseball Wins
>>>>>Clocks and knocks, smocks and locks, docks and rocks also celebrate. Frocks could not be reached for comment.