Murders Down, Kerry In Brown, Fat Men Lose Ground

(The New York Times)
After Curse and Cursing, a Pinstripe Shade of Blue
Just to illustrate the suspense that choked Yankee fans while their team was struggling on Wednesday night: No homicides were reported in New York City during Game 7, the police said.
>>>>>Pentagon to broadcast World Series games 24 hours a day in Sunni triangle in experimental program, sources say.
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(The New York Times)
Advice on Vaccine Shortage Is Lacking, Local Officials Say
Local and state health officials are complaining that their federal counterparts have given them almost no information to deal with the shortage of flu vaccines.
>>>>>Chicken soup, two aspirin, "that's all a bunch of media hype," are suggested key strategies.
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(The New York Times)
Kerry On Hunting Photo-Op to Help Image

Clad in camouflage clothing, a 12-gauge double-barreled shotgun under his arm, Senator John Kerry presented an image that his aides hope will help shore up his support among rural voters.
>>>>>To shore up his support among suburban voters, Kerry screamed at a minivan full of schoolchildren to stop fooling around and complained to a group of husbands that they weren't paying enough attention to him.
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(CBS News.com)
Study: Fat Men=Poor Sperm
Beer bellies may take a toll on men below the belt, not just around it. Men who weigh too much are more likely to have poor sperm quality, research on nearly 1,600 young Danish men has found.
>>>>>Overweight men were also more likely to be die from undetected aneurysms and be struck by asteroids

BITING BACK THE HEADLINES:

(Chicago Tribune)
Bush, Kerry Bombard Ohio
>>>>>Residents flood refugee camps, seek shelter from Olsen Twins and Ed Asner.

(Associated Press)
Hooters Opens First Restaurant in China
>>>>>Civil war, presidential assassinations, "Golden Girls," pedophilia to follow.

(ABC News.com)
Serbs Deciding Whether to Vote in Kosovo
>>>>Or maybe they'll just open fire on some unarmed civilians.

(CBS News.com)
Fidel Acts Fit As A Fiddle
>>>>>Finds fault with finicky forecasts by Fox.

(CBS News.com)
France To Run Anti-Semitism Ads
>>>>>"We Hate The Jews, But We Hate Everybody," is campaign slogan.

(Forbes)
Microsoft Is A-Rod; Google Is Pujols
>>>>>Bush is Homer Simpson, Kerry is Lisa

(ABC News.com)
New Weight-Loss Device to Be Tested
>>>>>Lip-stapler equipped with lemon-flavored staples.